Old Geezer Dating Rules

A friend of mine got divorced after having been married for 25 years to his high school sweetheart. The essence of that statement is that he had dated and married ONE woman for his entire life. Yeah, other women would try to coax him into affairs, but he resisted. His wife, on the other hand did not. He caught her, they divorced, end of that story.

The real reason for this hub is that he came to me for dating advice. At the time, I had been single for over 25 years after a fairly brief marriage, so he thought I could answer some of his questions about dating. He was very confused about the state of the dating world, since, basically, he had really never been a part of it. I decided to try to help him.

After talking with him for a little bit about his experiences and impressions up to this point in his new single life, I declared him totally clueless. I had to remember that he came from a generation of dating and committing. Boy, was he ever in for a shock.  I reminded him that quite some time ago, a little thing called "womens liberation" had hit the scene. I got a deer in the headlights look. Aaaah, I said "you've been violating a few rules, haven't you?"

"What rules?", he exclaimed.  I had finally gotten to the root cause of why he couldn't get a second date. He literally had no idea. So, I decided to make him up a checklist of old geezer dating does and don'ts.

DON'T LIST

1. Don't date your co-workers.

His reply was that he worked with some really nice ladies. I pointed out to him that any relationship he got into right now would probably not be a permanent one. I asked him to envision just how uncomfortable he would be when the inevitable break up happened and he would have to be face to face with the other person almost daily. I reminded him about the womens lib thing and explained that these days, if you piss them off, they'll probably key your car and not think twice. He was speechless.

2. Don't date your neighbors.

See Rule # 1

3. Don't date your daughter's friends.

Well, there are many points on this one, aside from that Freudian thing. But, I'll try to point a few of them out. Family get-togethers - high tension. A direct line to your ex wife (keep in mind that she too has learned about womens lib by now). Your date's parents. Your daughter's feelings (remember womens lib and revenge. She WILL tell her Mother). Trust me, she will not take it well.

4. Don't date women that are unaware that Paul McCartney was in a band before Wings.

Yeah, I know that it seems almost irrisistible to date younger women and you'll really get a kick out of her being carded when you go for a drink. But, then reality sets in when the waiter points out how lovely your daughter is. Besides, what is she going to be doing when your fall asleep at 10:00 P.M.? If you think you were pissed when your daughter sneaked off to be with boys late at night, try this one on for size. Besides, you have to talk sometime. Just how long do you think that you can sustain a conversation about rap music?

5. Quit dating women that do not soon after you start to date invite you to dinner at their house.

They could be married or worse. They may have 6 kids that they're waiting for just the right moment to tell you about. The sooner that you uncover all of these little details, the better.

6. Don't date women with a prison record, no matter how gorgeous they are.

I don't think this one requires any further explanation.

7. Don't date women that are even remotely still married.

That even means legally separated. It ain't over till it's over. If she doesn't have that piece of paper from the courthouse - run! Remember that she is on the same roller coaster ride that you're on. That would make for one seriously clueless couple.

8. Don't talk about your ex continuously.

That's a really good way to get dumped early on. Besides, it's rude. Trust me, she does not care about your ex and ALL of the horrible things that she did to you. It just makes you look weak.

Okay, enough of the bad stuff, let's move on to the Does.

1. It's okay to let her pay for dinner or a drink when she offers (womens lib rule).

I know it goes against your grain, just do it.

2. It's okay for you to invite her to dinner at your house after you have fully vetted Don't Rules # 5 and # 6 and # 7.

3. Take her to a greasy spoon every once in a while to make sure she isn't just dating you because you take her to nice restaurants.

4. It's okay to not date for awhile.

This may be the only time in your life that you can discover who you really are. Take advantage of it.

5. It's finally okay to cry out load when you watch the movie "Ghost".

Sensitivity is in now (womens lib thing).

Well, that's some of the important info that I passed on to my friend. Of course, he violated almost all of the don't rules, but at least, he had been warned and wasn't blindsided by the results.

I am happy to report that after being single for 8 years, that he has remarried and is very happy. I would like to think that my dating advice helped him along his journey. Feel free to print this list out and have it laminated and tape it to your bathroom mirror if you find yourself newly single. I have passed this list on to others that found themselves in his situation and I think it will help bring you up to speed on the dating world.

Oh, and good luck!